More than a dress size.
As we end mental health awareness week, let’s continue the kindness. Mental health is so important, never more so than now. And not just for a week, for eva eva!
One thing I keep noticing is the commentary around Adele. Adele is a phenomenal talent, but recently she’s been covered in the media for her weight loss, heralding everything a woman should be; the ideal ‘before and after’. Literally typing ‘Adele’ in the search bar brings up ‘Adele weight loss’ as the first hit, which is shocking, considering her impressive list of achievements, some of which I’ve listed below;
In 2012, Adele was awarded an MBE in the Queen's birthday honours list;
She has broken loads of Guinness World Records, including 'First female to have two singles and two albums in the UK top 5 simultaneously' in 2011, and 'First UK artist to reach digital sales of one million in the US' in 2012;
In 2017, Adele was the only female to be included in the Sunday Times Rich List Top 20 for musicians. In 2016, she earned £40m, taking her wealth to a massive £125m;
She topped the under-30s music rich list. She topped Heat magazine's ‘Rich List’ for three years, until 2018. (After turning 31 in 2019, unfortunately she doesn't fit the criteria anymore!);
On the release of ‘Hello’, Daniel Danker, Shazam’s chief product officer, advised “No single has ever been Shazamed so much in its first day”. He also confirmed that the song was Shazamed 200,000 times in 24 hours;
She has had Number 1 hits in nearly every country on Earth!
She is an amazing mum.
But, she’s now skinny. Yay! Her life will be perfect 😏.
Adele has been equally praised and berated for her ‘new’ body; the so called ‘Fat Activists’ feeling like they’ve lost their poster girl and the pro skinnies welcoming her into the fold. This commentary is so sad and highly toxic. It’s also ingrained into wider society. We think it’s okay to casually comment on people’s, particularly women’s, bodies and appearance... it’s no wonder eating disorders are so prevalent. We are continually judged and beat ourselves up for not fitting the unrealistic aesthetic adulated by the media.
Over the years I have struggled, not only with fluctuating weight, but with accepting my body and looking in the mirror. Sometimes I haven’t even recognised myself, never mind accepted the person looking back at me.
The culture of commenting on weight, whether ‘positive’ or ‘negative’, is so harmful. Casual comments can cut deep and have a huge impact on people’s mental health. If you’re smaller, the pressure to retain that frame can be immense, and eating disorders can quickly creep in. You might end up obsessing about when you can exercise, what you can eat, where you can cut calories and cancelling dinners out with friends. If weight begins to creep up, and it usually does with dramatic weight loss, then you can begin dreading or cancelling social plans as you are so self-conscious and ashamed of the weight you’ve gained you can’t bear to let people see you it can quickly impact every aspect of your life.
I personally recall a visit to my Nanna’s a few years ago. “Do you count calories, Nuala?”, she asked. “No I don’t”, I replied. She retorted, “No you don’t look like you do”. Never a woman to mince her words, she then proceeded to ask my boyfriend at the time if he would consider “chasing me around the garden” to get me to do some exercise. Humiliation doesn’t cover how I felt at that moment; I cried all the way home. I joined a gym the following Monday and lost 4 stone - ha!
Nope, no I didn’t. I actually comfort ate and went up 2 or 3 dress sizes. So, the ‘well intended advice’ can, and probably usually does, backfire. It’s unwelcome and unnecessary. Sometimes advice can be hidden under the veil of health reasons, but then there’s the Obesity Paradox: some obese people can be super fit and healthy. For example, Lizzo follows rigorous workout routines and her live performances are highly energetic. She is the ultimate curvy Queen and, I imagine, would be categorised as obese. But she’s clearly fit AF! We also probably all know the gym buff guy whose 6’4” and has a BMI in the obese range. Categorising people can be flawed and dangerous.
I work with a lot of women who, for whatever reason, have lost confidence in how they look and are at a loss to know how to style themselves for the best. More often than not, identifying when my clients lost their ‘passion for fashion’ is connected to weight gain, shame, and dressing to hide and minimise themselves. This makes me so sad. Some women comment that they want to work with me, but they need to lose weight first. Putting your life on hold until you achieve the ‘perfect weight’ is madness! I’ve tried this approach and the goal just drifts further and further away and, ultimately, you become unhappier. The best thing you can do is to accept who you are right now and stop minimising yourself. Recognise that beauty is an ace personality; something that cannot help but radiate from your face and every pore of your body! Dress yourself to amplify that total boss in you and communicate who you are to the world. Kindness begins with yourself. Always be kind to you.
The admiration and admonishment of women’s bodies by the media, and society at large, is so unhealthy. Adele’s body, and anyone’s body for that matter, is none of anyone’s flippin’ business and it has to stop. Me, personally, I’m not ‘pro plus size’ or ‘pro slim size’; I’m ‘pro be your own f*ckin self’, whatever size that comes in! I still have good days and bad days with my self-image. But on the better days, I’m on my side. And I know for sure that I am way more than my dress size.